Untitled I guess?

I was curled into a ball hugging my knees to my chest. I drew in ragged breaths that shuddered through the hole in my heart. The gaping wound that would not be stitched up. I bit down on my lower lip to hold in my quiet sobs. I hadn't left my room in two days. Not to take a shower, not to eat. Meals mysteriously appeared at my door three times a day. A single knock signaled there arrival. Mom was worried so I ate what I could without bile rising up from the pit of my stomach. I had barely slept and hadn't uttered a word to anyone. I wasn't sure my voice worked anymore. My insides were breaking and spilling out through the cracks. I thought heartbreak was supposed to bring numbness; I needed that phase to come soon. The raw pain ravaging my body was too much to bear. I have sixteen missed calls on my phone. My friends must all know by now. I've heard the doorbell ring, the hushed whispers, but no one's ever tried to come up to my room. For that, I was greateful. I'm a mess and I can't think of anything that will make it better. No amount of hugs or smiles, kind words or baked goods will help. Those gestures are hollow; most things are now. Life itself is hollow; empty. As soon as he spoke the words, I shut down. I've missed my favorite shows, homework goes undone. I think I've missed a few tests and I know I had an essay due at some point. Sooner or later I'll have to go back to school. I'll have to fake a tiny bit of happiness for my mom's sake. I hate to worry her so I'll have to paste on a smile and prepare for a whole lot of denial. But my heart is leaking and I don't know if I can stop it. I can't hide it just yet. I can't control it, can't hide the zombie in my eyes. Right now, I can't even begin to take the first step to being okay.

Apology

I have been informed that I did not satisfy everyone with my last blog; it seems they expected my New Moon review to be longer. Of course, I do have more to say, as always. Last time, I didn't have time to write much, but I do now. New Moon was incredible and since I've seen it twice, I feel I have the right to judge. If that doesn't seem like enough, don't worry, I will be seeing it again. But I have to say, the downside to New Moon was the downpour of new Jacob fans. Unlike Edward fans, they are wrong. They have no idea what they're talking about and they must be crazy, because there is no way a sane, coherent, and sober person would pick Jacob over Edward. Last year, people knew that. But this year? I am appalled. The amount of Team Jacob t-shirts I've seen lately is disgusting. And really, the whole Team Jacob thing is just shallow. Why do women love him all of a sudden? I think we can safely say it is because of the thirty pounds he gained, all of which flowed nicely into his muscles and washboard abs. I get that he is maybe a little attractive (if you're into that kind of guy), but he has nothing on Edward Cullen and he never will. So many friends of mine (my own sister even) that I thought were loyal Edward supporters, jumped ship as soon as Jacob took his shirt off the first time. And then when he cut off that awful hair, the women in my theater went wild. And not just young girls-middle aged women were yelling and cheering when Jacob was standing out in the rain half naked. If you don't believe me, go see it in theaters sometime; try to go during a busy showing. You'll see it. Of course, you'll see the avid fans with their shirts and jackets. But its the sneaky fans, the ones you don't expect, that will ruin your movie. The middle aged woman with the sensible haircut? Yeah, she'll be the one hyperventilating when Jacob rips his shirt off. The boy who looks annoyed his girlfriend's dragging him to a chick flick? He's going to be loudly shhhing her while she talks during an action scene. Maybe even shouting at the screen like hes at a football game. You're laughing and shaking your head in disbelief now, but I've seen and heard it all. But even with those annoying fans, the movie is worth watching. Even if you didn't like the first Twilight.